Let me start with a little disclaimer.
*I mean no offense to anyone who reads this and loves dance. Really, none. It's just not my thing. Mostly because I have the rhythm of, well, a worm? A rock? Whatever, I can't dance. I took dance in preschool and that was it. Throughout all of this I've had an issue in my head with putting Claire on a stage in front of a bunch of people, to show her off. I'm not a huge feminist, but I was just not really okay with it. I freaked out when I read "full makeup" on the recital paperwork because I got visions of the TLC show "Toddlers and Tiaras". Haven't seen it? Here's this picture to help you out.
Scary, right? Oh, and no offense to anyone who does pageants. Well, actually, a little offense if you make your kid look like this because, really, you must be insane. NO child should look like a Barbie. It's just not right. Okay, disclaimer over.*
Onto the real post.
Claire's daycare partners with Dimensions in Dance to offer dance classes to the 2-5 year olds each year. Classes are on Wednesday mornings. The kids learn a little about ballet, but their routine is tap. Last year, when Claire was in the 2 year old program still, I didn't sign her up. To be honest, I never thought we'd be involved in dance (see disclaimer). She caught on pretty quick that some of her friends were taking dance, and expressed an interest in it. Mostly, she wanted to do what her friends were doing. This year, when we got the dance information in their folders, Claire asked if she could sign up. So, we agreed. The great thing about the way it is set up is that I don't have to run her to dance after school. I simply leave her little dance bag at daycare, make sure she's dressed in comfortable clothes on Wednesdays, and that's the extent of it. Claire was always excited, all year, to come home and tell us on Wednesdays about dance class. She loves her teacher, Miss Susan. Once they started learning their routine, Claire had me download the song, "Boogie Shoes" to my ipod. She would come home and practice the routine, not because I forced her to, but because she loved showing us what she had learned. I was shocked the first time she did almost the entire routine, and her movements were clearly matching up to the lyrics. She was so proud of herself. She kept talking about doing the show and how she was going to do the routine for everyone.
Then, one night while we were laying in her bed, Claire got so worried about the recital. She was crying uncontrollably, telling me that she was worried that she was going to fall off the stage. I started having visions of her getting out there and just sitting down and refusing to participate. Miss Susan assured me that I didn't have to worry about that. Knowing what a little performer Claire is, I should have known better! I just wanted to reassure Claire and help her so that she would feel confident in herself. I was starting to see how hard she was working to learn her routine, and I didn't want her to be sad after, if it didn't go as planned. We borrowed the dvd of last year's performance from one of the teachers at daycare (thanks, Miss Lori!) and watched it together. Claire loved watching her friends and it really helped her to understand what to expect on the night of the show. After we watched the dvd, she didn't express any other worries about the show. She was ready to go! Then her costume came, and I must say, it was adorable. She tried it on, and looked so cute. Maybe I was warming up to the whole dance thing a little teensy bit....
Um, but then the note about the recital came home. And it said that the girls should arrive at the show in their costume, with full makeup on. Say what? My Toddlers and Tiaras visions were coming to life...makeup??? On my 4 year old??? NO WAY. What's next? Flippers? (for those of you unfamiliar, flippers would be the fake teeth thingies that the kids on the show wear to cover up the fact that they are of teeth-falling-out age) Spray tans?? Hairpieces and updos? I was adamantly against putting makeup on my child. I just could not even imagine putting makeup on her. I was certain that putting makeup on my baby would just fill her head with crazy ideas. Make her think that she was anything less than beautiful. Because, let's be honest, the reason all of us slather on our foundation, blush, powder, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, eyebrow pencils....and on and on and on....is to cover up our imperfections. To look more beautiful. Maybe even to be something we are not. No shot do I want to start my 4-year old in thinking this way.
Oddly enough, it took some insight from Jeff to get me to settle down a little on the issue. As he pointed out, the makeup thing is just a part of dance. She's not going to start wearing makeup on a daily basis, but it's pretty much necessary on stage. My response? "It is not! I don't care if she looks dead on stage! She's 4 and she's cute, and she doesn't need makeup! I don't care if she's the only one not wearing it!" Ahh....but that's where I was wrong. Because then Jeff pointed out how awful Claire would feel if she got backstage and saw that all of the other little girls were wearing makeup, but she was not. And, what if she realized it and got so upset that she refused to go on stage? He suggested that putting even a little bit on her would help her fit in. Because after all, she's been working on this routine since October, she wants nothing more than to get on stage and show us all how she can boogie, so let's not do anything that is going to freak her out.
So, I conceded. Well, actually, I compromised a little. It never occurred to me to get her "kid" makeup. I was picturing putting my blush and lipstick on her, and that is just craziness to me. Our neighbor, Tracy, bought some kid makeup for her daughter Lexi, who was also in the show. We decided to do pictures together before we all left, and I was going to borrow a little bit of Lexi's makeup on Claire. A little shimmery blush, some pink eyeshadow (so light that you could hardly tell it was there), and a touch of strawberry Chapstick. A perfect compromise, really. I felt good knowing that if anyone looked at Claire all they would notice was a teensy bit of shimmer, and she felt good knowing that she had "makeup" on like the rest of the girls. And on stage? She looked beautiful.
Throughout this whole makeup/dance recital debacle, I've learned a big lesson. When it comes to the activities Claire is involved in, it really doesn't matter what I like. It's not about me and if I like an activity or not...it's about what Claire loves to do. Just a couple of posts back I talked about how Claire didn't really want to sign up for soccer, but I encouraged her to do it because she ended up having so much more fun last year than she thought she would. I'm realizing that I don't want to handle things that way. I want Claire to choose what she wants to do. If she chooses the activity, she's probably way more likely to stick with it, and most importantly, enjoy it.
She's already said that next year she definitely wants to do dance, but she probably doesn't want to do soccer. And I'm perfectly okay with it. Maybe I'll even let her wear a little lip gloss instead of Chapstick next year!
